Slamming Homeschoolers

Apparently slamming homeschoolers is a pastime that some pastors seem to delve into. When I was at Carmon's blog, I read about a couple of articles that had been written on the subject. I typically let these things slide, but this time I decided I should respond to the mis-characterizations that were being presented. You can read the article I responded to at Reformation21. I am posting my letter to Dr. Trueman on the subject, and would love to hear your thoughts on it.

Dr. Trueman,
I read your post and take great exception with your comments.

"You can tell them on the Sundays: the exhausted and haggard mothers whose husbands expect them not only to cook and to clean, but also to home-school the kids. For every omnicompetent wife who seems to be able to run the world and then some, and still look like a million dollars when hubbie gets home for dinner (already on the table, of course), there are ten or more who look crushed and dispirited, who really need to send their kids out of the house in the morning so they can get some rest and some mental sanity, who need their husbands to see the problem and take steps to help them. Are they inadequate as Christian mothers? No. They are crushed by a "Christian" culture that demands their all and gives no slack."

I have been a Christian for 24 years, a wife for 23 years and a mother for 22 years. I have 5 daughters and have just finished my 16th year homeschooling. I will agree there were times that I have been tired and seemingly overwhelmed, but usually it wasn't because of my children, my husband, or my homeschooling. The feelings of being overwhelmed have been brought upon by people such as yourself who sit back and tell me I should get out of the house more and put my children in school. There have even been those who have felt the need to make comments about how many children we have. Comments such as, "Don't you know what causes that?" or "They really aren't cheaper by the dozen, you know." These comments as well as yours fall short of the admonition we are given in scripture to "encourage one another and lift each other up."

In my 16 years of homeschooling I have met very few women such as you describe, maybe only two. If you were to take a cross section of the population of people who have their kids in public school and are harried and haggard, I tend to believe that the percentage would be much higher. Many of those mothers are trying to be omnicompetent by raising children (that they rarely spend time with), have a full time job, run a house, and have a successful marriage (statistics are on my side for this accomplishment as well).

I tend to think, like many pastors, you believe what you perceive. Have you actually talked to these women and said, "Looks like you are having a rough week. Is there any way I can be an encouragement to you?" Or do you throw out the typical panacea of telling them to get rid of the kids and get rid of the problem? Look around you at the youth of today. Do you really think that the children who have been sent out are faring better than those who stay at home? If you do, you have been around the wrong homeschoolers! We have a family evangelism ministry where we go onto the streets and talk to people. I constantly see the outcome of those children (many of them pastors' kids) in the bar districts of Houston. I have seen the results on both sides, and wouldn't trade the sacrifices I have made personally, financially or socially for my children.

On the subject of being harried and stressed; do you think Paul felt any stress when he was stranded on the Island of Patmos? Or Christ, did he feel overwrought with the prospect of sacrificing his life when he prayed in the garden? Am I not to take up my cross and follow him? Who am I to complain about the extra work, or time involved? God did not promise me that things would be stress-free, and that my life would be easy. In fact just the opposite; He tells us many times about the trials we will face. My struggles have done nothing more than to cause me to lean on Him and find strength and comfort in His peace. God gave me these children to raise in the adnomition of his words and precepts; why would I hand over my God-ordained responsibility to someone else? So that I can get my nails done and play tennis?

You have made the mistake that is made by many who don't understand the choices a homeschooler makes. I challenge you to become an encourager to these women you slam. Sit down with their husbands and truly listen to why they feel called to do what they do and find out how you can help them. Don't be a discourager by criticizing their convictions; that is not what an over-shepherd is supposed to do. I have been in churches with pastors and elders who held your views and who were quite vocal about it. It was very discouraging to go to church and be persecuted by them because I was trying to give my all to Christ. I pray you will heed this admonishment and truly think about what you are saying.

To be fair to you and myself, I don't do everything perfectly. I don't know any homeschooling mom, or working mom, who does. I have a goal that I aim for, but it's just that, a goal. I seriously doubt that your wife meets all of her goals on a daily basis, or you, for that matter. We are all fallen creatures, and apart from Christ, none of us can do anything of eternal value. I think if you will listen to those you criticize, you will hear that their heart is to do nothing more than to do something of eternal value with their children.

I pray that as you go to your new church, you will go with a new mindset to be an encouragment to the homeschooling families within your fellowship. Please don't make the mistake of being a discourager to these families, they need the support and encouragement of a pastor who will come along side them and lift them up. If they feel judged by you for their convictions, sadly, they won't feel the freedom to come to you for the advice, guidance and support you could provide. You may not have realized the cord you would strike with your words, but then again, maybe you did. I would hope that you would not purposely try to discourage, but only you and God know the answer to that question.